Sixth Night

I must confess that it is not without a little pride that I managed to hang onto two rather senior ladies throughout my free show this afternoon.

For people who don't like cuss-words, they still seemed to be chuckling away at my erotic prose, and my ukulele rendition of an extremely hardcore hip-hop number.

Full credit, of course, must go to them, for having splendidly open, and slightly dirty minds.

This evening's pay show at the Caves went well, too, with a small audience, but an appreciative one. It's a relief to know the show can still work with a smaller audience. Even when one of them is either doing an impression of a ghost, or really should have eaten before the show.

Night, all!

Jake

Mystery Picture For You

Fifth Night

Yesterday I had to do an open spot on the Royal Mile, on one of the stages.

It was an interesting process. I got some sense of what it might feel like to be a vagrant. There are strict rules about performing on the Mile - you can't use amplification of any kind. Which is fine, as long as you're not squished up between some people yodelling Shakespeare, and an accordion band. My little ukulele didn't stand a chance. So I felt like a bit of a numpty, almost mutely mouthing my way through a few songs that made no sense whatsoever out of context, and attracting looks of at worst, disdain, through bewilderment, to, at best, pity.

Finally a few people started paying attention. I almost broke down and wept when a sweet young boy, maybe three years old, started dancing to my version of "Jump Around".

Sweet innocence of youth!

By and by a few people stuck around to listen, which was jolly sporting of them.

I am relieved not to be doing it again.

The two shows continue to be maddeningly unpredictable. YOU JUST CAN'T TELL. EVER.

The audience decides collectively how your gig will go. It's never about your performance, or how much you put into it. Yesterday - the Free Show - Amazing. The Pay Show - So-so.

Today - the EXACT OPPOSITE. My nerves can't take this kind of lottery.

Oh, by the way, I have been learning some new Scottish phrases. You will be interested to know, I hope, that I nearly sprained my Queet this afternoon. But it still does the job.

Thanks to the Cheltenham Massive for this evening - it meant the world.

Jake

x

Fourth Night

The free show in the afternoons is turning into an awful lot of fun. It is nice that so many people are getting to know my cats. Perhaps a little too intimately.

Angus volunteered to be my assistant in the pay show this evening. He was a very nice young man, and I am sure he and his girlfriend will come to terms with the blossoming man-love which emerged on stage.

My microphone will never be the same again...

Or possibly smell quite the same.

Oh, Angus.

x

Third Night

Tonight's best heckle:

ME: Does anyone here enjoy drugs?

MAD OLD BLOKE: I'd have to take some to enjoy your show, hurhahahahaha!

ME: Ah. Very good. That explains the syringe dangling freely from your eye socket, sir.

(MAD OLD BLOKE EXITS)

Bring 'em on, I say.

Also, it was the first free show of the run this afternoon. It was not bad - lovely, lovely crowd, including a reader of this very blog. Humbling.

Not only that, but we had time to squeeze in the Barack Obama bumsex joke in the paying show. Sounds fun, doesn't it? If you fancy coming, try and find me from about 7.45 outside The Caves - I'll try and sneak you in for cheap. Two for one. This week only. Then I'm not sure I'm allowed...

Jake

Second Night

Now I remember.

Now I remember what it's all for.

Having a lovely, lovely night, with a smashing crowd, when it doesn't feel like standup, it feels like a roomful of mates, and getting drunk and elated afterwards, and eating fish and chips in Grassmarket, staggering home, and knowing you won't sleep.

Now I remember why we went through the months of preparation, all the worry, all the angst.

For THIS! THIS! THIS!

This.

Ahhh, so thank you, God, Marx, humanity, friends, family, whatever it is that puts it all into place.

Yes, I am drunk.

Nighty-night.

Jake

xxx

First Night

Last night was the first night of Hallo, Music Lovers!

And it was not too bad. The venue was running horribly late, but we had a lovely crowd of people in.

The Caves are amazing. Waiting backstage as the audience came in, I gazed at the dripping stalactites on the walls. I am pretty sure if you wanted to, you could sink your fingers right into the walls. They seem to be made of chocolate mousse.

But the stage is reassuringly solid, made of robust flagstones, which give me the confidence to bust out my urban dance moves when the occasion presents itself.

The acoustics are a bit, well, 'cavey', but I have to say, they make my ukulele sound divine. If it is possible to make a ukulele sound divine.

All in all, we had some laughs. There's room for improvement, so roll on tonight!

Jake