Ninth Night

Four gigs and a breakfast show today.

Goodnight.

Eighth Night

Oh lord. Oh lordy. Lordy oh my lord.

There was a young man in the crowd this evening. And I am talking 8 or 9 years old.

I was knackered, and suddenly I am faced with a huge crowd, and A YOUNG BOY IN THE FRONT ROW.

Terrifying. So, rather than just getting through the set, I am going through it frantically trying to cut out all the rude and sweary bits... And I mostly managed to do it - and to be honest, it was a gift - until I got to the last bit. And then Neil came into his own. I said to him and his parents "This last song has a very strong word in it, will it be ok?"

And Neil said "Oh, don't worry, I hear it all the time at home..."

I salute my comedic superior.

Seventh Night

One of the loveliest things about being in Edinburgh this year has been meeting some of the 6Music listeners. There were a couple at The Caves this evening, and they were really smashing. And I can't remember their names now because I am a disingenuous prick. God dammit.

To be honest, it's all turning into a bit of a blur.

I would be completely stuck without my parents. We have a timetable drawn up on the back of the living room door where we're staying. It is mapped out to the hour. No kidding.

The average day runs like this:

6am - Get up, work on 6Music

10am - Do some sort of exercise

10.03am - Stop and practice smoking. Ok I am joking. Feebly. But it is late. Cut me some slack.

11am - Sleep

12pm - Get up, lunch, shower, etc

1pm - start flyering

4pm - Show 1

5pm - Flyer evening show

8pm - Show 2

9.30pm - Guest spot

11pm - Home

11.45 - Bed

I am beginning to tire - I can feel it. So how lucky I am to have the 'rents watching my back.

I swear to god, I finished lunch today, and I said to my father "What do I have to do next?" and he said "Now it is time to go to the toilet, and then we are going flyering".

We actually have bowel movements scheduled now.

I don't take that flippin' long.

I think I might be on BBC Scotland tomorrow! Crikles.

Jake

Sixth Night

I must confess that it is not without a little pride that I managed to hang onto two rather senior ladies throughout my free show this afternoon.

For people who don't like cuss-words, they still seemed to be chuckling away at my erotic prose, and my ukulele rendition of an extremely hardcore hip-hop number.

Full credit, of course, must go to them, for having splendidly open, and slightly dirty minds.

This evening's pay show at the Caves went well, too, with a small audience, but an appreciative one. It's a relief to know the show can still work with a smaller audience. Even when one of them is either doing an impression of a ghost, or really should have eaten before the show.

Night, all!

Jake

Mystery Picture For You

Fifth Night

Yesterday I had to do an open spot on the Royal Mile, on one of the stages.

It was an interesting process. I got some sense of what it might feel like to be a vagrant. There are strict rules about performing on the Mile - you can't use amplification of any kind. Which is fine, as long as you're not squished up between some people yodelling Shakespeare, and an accordion band. My little ukulele didn't stand a chance. So I felt like a bit of a numpty, almost mutely mouthing my way through a few songs that made no sense whatsoever out of context, and attracting looks of at worst, disdain, through bewilderment, to, at best, pity.

Finally a few people started paying attention. I almost broke down and wept when a sweet young boy, maybe three years old, started dancing to my version of "Jump Around".

Sweet innocence of youth!

By and by a few people stuck around to listen, which was jolly sporting of them.

I am relieved not to be doing it again.

The two shows continue to be maddeningly unpredictable. YOU JUST CAN'T TELL. EVER.

The audience decides collectively how your gig will go. It's never about your performance, or how much you put into it. Yesterday - the Free Show - Amazing. The Pay Show - So-so.

Today - the EXACT OPPOSITE. My nerves can't take this kind of lottery.

Oh, by the way, I have been learning some new Scottish phrases. You will be interested to know, I hope, that I nearly sprained my Queet this afternoon. But it still does the job.

Thanks to the Cheltenham Massive for this evening - it meant the world.

Jake

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Fourth Night

The free show in the afternoons is turning into an awful lot of fun. It is nice that so many people are getting to know my cats. Perhaps a little too intimately.

Angus volunteered to be my assistant in the pay show this evening. He was a very nice young man, and I am sure he and his girlfriend will come to terms with the blossoming man-love which emerged on stage.

My microphone will never be the same again...

Or possibly smell quite the same.

Oh, Angus.

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