John Darwin - Canoe-Death Fraudster - The Diaries

Apparently, he lived off pies and cola, while he faked his death.

Day 43

Decided to just relax today. Fancied a pie and some cola. And why not? We’re quids in. I’m living the high life in this little wardrobe. Well done, John. Well done me.

Day 44

A nice relaxing day. I thought, “why not?” so I treated myself to another pie and cola. Delicious. There’s plenty to do in here. Sometimes I stare at the wood panelling. Sometimes I smell it.

Day 45

Relaxed today. Pie and Cola again. Noticed a nail I hadn’t noticed before. What a laugh.

Day 46

Relaxed. Pie and cola. Wood.

Day 47

Pie and cola.

Day 48

Pie and Cola.

Day 49

Pie and cola

Day 50

Ok, maybe I am getting slightly bored.

I know! I’ll have a pie.

And some cola.

Twelfth Night - Hmm, Catchy...

What a stormer.

Bloody marvellous night. How we laughed. Show has been slightly tweaked, and I am now really really really happy with it.

And we had an awesome crowd in. Ok, quite a few were comps, but notwithstanding that, it was big, man. I never expected to see so many people in the pay show - there have now been more people in to see it than the free show.

Crazy.

Then I had to run off to the Pink Bus, which was sold out - mainly to people from Eltham, where I went to secondary school. Gave me warm fuzzies.

I really must try to sleep. Got the breakfast show in five and a half hours...

Jake

I've put some Edinburgh pictures up...

...Should it be of the remotest interest to you. Just click on the title above...

Ta!

Jake

Eleventh Night

We are drinking gin.

It's all about the flyering. And it's hard work. And, currently, Mum and Dad are doing it all. For hours a day. Out in the elements. I am going to find some people to do some. Today mum flyered an old couple who were kissing.

"How nice to see people in love" she said.

"Ach," said the man, "D'ye like kissing then?"

"We-ell..." said mum.

And the man moved in and kissed my mother. Yes. I am whoring my mother out for this show. It is not right. She bravely said something about "It's fine, I washed when I got home..."

So not right.

On a sidenote, Facebook suggested I might like to be friends with Lisa Tarbuck today. I don't know why. I was very flattered, I'm sure. Out of interest, I clicked on her profile, and discovered she only has one friend. It's Ken Dodd.

I feel rather sorry for Lisa Tarbuck now. Should I be her friend?

We are trying a major change in the pay show tomorrow. Yipe!

Wish me luck...

Jake

Tenth Night

O heavenly gluttony!

O orgy of fat!

Tonight we have had FISH AND CHIPS and I have had RUM AND COKE MMMMMMM

I have been looking forward to this all week. NO 6Music work tomorrow. So tomorrow I am at liberty to LIE IN feeling REALLY POORLY.

And I SHALL. Make no mistake. Wicked.

I am enjoying the show more and more. Tonight we had 59 people in to the paying show. 59! Gorblimey. Never thought I would be able to revel in such a luxury.

The mime seems to be doing well. I hope I am not jinxing it. At any rate, it's ace fun to do.

And this evening I played the Pink Bus again. It's great. It's mad. The top deck of a bus that's been covered with crazy junk... And you stand at the top and look like a ticket inspector. I go MAD with the power. Come down! It's at the C Venue - Soco Urban Garden on Cowgate.

It is, however, a bit like a typical bus journey, in that there always seem to be one or two slightly strange people on board...

Anyway. I'm trashed. Nighty!

xxxxxxxxwickedxxx

Oh, yeah, and PS hello to the lovely couple who I am sure came to see me last year, and were at the afternoon show (particularly the gentleman who volunteered to be my personal trainer), and to lovely Melanie, for doing the double and coming to both shows!

Ninth Night

Four gigs and a breakfast show today.

Goodnight.

Eighth Night

Oh lord. Oh lordy. Lordy oh my lord.

There was a young man in the crowd this evening. And I am talking 8 or 9 years old.

I was knackered, and suddenly I am faced with a huge crowd, and A YOUNG BOY IN THE FRONT ROW.

Terrifying. So, rather than just getting through the set, I am going through it frantically trying to cut out all the rude and sweary bits... And I mostly managed to do it - and to be honest, it was a gift - until I got to the last bit. And then Neil came into his own. I said to him and his parents "This last song has a very strong word in it, will it be ok?"

And Neil said "Oh, don't worry, I hear it all the time at home..."

I salute my comedic superior.